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Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Hugs and blessings,

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Witty Wednesday #8

Make Time for Small Reflections
My 8th Witty Wednesday
A Pot-Pourri of Stories:  
Courtesy of Comedy Central's Jokes.com Newsletter ...

Getting Forgetful
Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health.

One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"

The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

Prison Mail
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter: "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. "Dear husband, you wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden."

The prisoner writes back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
The Engineer at the Golf Course
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer wait for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, "What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The pastor says, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" the doctor asks.

The groundskeeper tells them that the other golfers are a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving the clubhouse from a fire and that they come and play for free whenever they want.

The group is silent for a moment.

The pastor says, "That's so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor says, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer says, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Deadly Golf Trap
Jim and Bob are golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine and climbs down in search of it.

Jim spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim calls out to Bob in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, I got trouble down here."

Bob calls out, "What's the matter Jim?"

Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron. You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."

Click for ChrisB at Ms Cellania
where I've enjoyed Witty Wednesday for a while now.
Small Reflections ... Smile Back
Thought for Today
"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter."    
e.e. cummings

9 comments:

Akelamalu said...

LOL thanks for the chuckles!

Mike Golch said...

these are good ones!!

Riversongs said...

Hi! Love the jokes! Thanks for making me smile. So glad I stopped by your blog this morning.

Patti said...

thanks for the laughs :-D

Eve said...

ROFLOL Thanks for the chuckles and guffaws.

Pamela said...

that golf one has to be sent to my son-in-law

Travis said...

Those were completely new to me...hadn't read them or heard them before.

Very funny!

Kay said...

Thank you for all the laughs. I could sure use them tonight.

kitten said...

I needed those laughs!

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