Welcome to Small Reflections


"Nothing is ever achieved without enthusiasm."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Duck photo source: Lisa's Chaos
I hope you enjoy your visit. If you're looking for something specific, check out the links to posts by category in my sidebar and down a ways. They'll assist with tracking down different types of posts found on each of my three blogs. You might also enjoy checking out the other sites: Sacred Ruminations, Blog Rolls, Bling & Blurbs, and Happily Retired Gal.

I hope you'll look around & leave comments
then visit me at my new blog ...

Giraffe Journal

and/or website ... Labyrinth Journal
both self-hosted at WordPress
where I publish as myself
rather than under a
pseudonym.

I've not had much time for posting or blog visits, but if you're interested I hope you'll find time to check out my new blog, Giraffe Journal or my Labyrinth Journal website ... both self hosted at WordPress.

Thanks for your visit and have a delightful day ;--)
Hugs and blessings,

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Heads or Tails # 15 - Say what?

If you're looking for Fun Monday, it's just below this one.Hosted by Skittles at Head or Tails
This week's theme/prompt is:
HEADS - Joke

Disorder In The Court

Things people actually said in court, word for word:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.


Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son-the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.


Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "where am I Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.


Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.


Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well I can see pretty well I think.

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played horn for ten years. I even went to school for it.


Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.





Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Say What?

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?



Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?


Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, do they go up also?




Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?



Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?



Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?


Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Click for others participating in HoTs this week.
Next week's theme/prompt is:
HEADS *OR* TAILS - Sit *OR* Stand
Thought for Today
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility."
James Thurber

28 comments:

Sandy C. said...

Those were hilarious! All I have to say is W-O-W! I had to read every single one of those to my husband out loud. I could barely get out the sentences without giggling :)

Mike Golch said...

Storyteller,I thank you I'm haveing a rough couple of days and then I read this posting. thank you for the humor.
Hugs and Blessings. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Jo, a retired teacher said...

I love them.

But then, it is sort of sad to think that real people actually said these things. They are funny to read, but in real life it is depressing to think that people are dumb enough to say such things.

Grandy said...

Funny stuff! :)

MiLeTTe said...

lol! those are a good collections. thanks for the smile.

my HOTs are here and
here. hope you can visit.

happy HoT! thanks!


milet

forgetfulone said...

That was funny! I needed a laugh. Great post for HoT.

smarmoofus said...

I love these! I confess I've seen them before, but they're always funny. Every time.

Happy HoT!
-smarmoofus

Hootin' Anni said...

Hi! I've read these before but they're still funny...they're timeless.

You did a lot of work and spent a great deal of time getting all the graphics to match the entries...High 5!!

My joke is posted; come on over if you can. It's guaranteed to be 'outside the box' this week. "The Yolk's on You!"

kitten said...

Thanks for the laughs! I sure needed that!
Thank you for your kind and lovong words. Thank you also for your pryers!

storyteller said...

Sandy – I’m delighted that you enjoyed them all. They’re new to me but I found them in a ‘joke’ search in Google, so I’m assuming they’ve been around a while … but some of them tickled MY funny bone and made me laugh aloud too.

Mike – I’m sorry the last couple of days have been rough for you and glad to have provided a bit of ‘comic relief’ … hope today’s a better one for you.

Jo – Yez, I had ‘mixed’ feelings initially myself. It’s hard to believe these could be true, but I copied the post as I found it … then added illustrations to break up the page and add interest, just because.

Grandy – Hey you! Thanks for dropping by … I’m happy you found them entertaining ;--)

Milette – You’re certainly welcome. Methinks that smiles are always a good thing. I’ll be visiting later this afternoon when I return from my PSE6 class. Thanks for leaving the link ;--)

Forgetfulone – It seems that many of us need laughs these days, and I suspect there will be lots of laughter as folks make the HoTs rounds today. I’m looking forward to that!

Smarmoofus – Ah … it’s a challenge to be original and funny at the same time isn’t it?

Hootin’ Anni – How nice of you to notice and comment upon my efforts to ‘liven up the look’ of these ‘timeless oldies’ … and I’m delighted you found them funny all over again.

Kitten – Having lost many loved ones of my own, I know how difficult these times can be. What I know from personal experience is that the ‘spirits’ of those we love remain with us forever. I’m pleased that these ‘funnies’ helped you laugh this morning. Do take care. You and yours remain in my prayers daily.

To all – Once again I’m taking a quick moment with a cup of coffee to check comments and leave replies before my morning chores begin. As usual, I’ll visit later this afternoon when I return from my PSE6 class. Thank you all for dropping by Small Reflections and leaving your thoughts. I wish for each of you a wonderful day!
Hugs and blessings,

Sue said...

This post certainly cheered me up!! I smiled at everyone of those :) Happy HOT day!!

Eve said...

It is nearly 7:30 am as I sit here reading your 'funnies.' What a great way to start the day - with a few laughs and grins.

Jay Leno is forever talking about stupid criminals. I think these are some good examples of stupid lawyers and judges. ;D

Joy Des Jardins said...

Too funny Virginia.....they made me laugh so much. I may not even need my morning coffee to wake me up sweetie. Those were great.

Karen said...

This is too funny...where do you find these things?!

lisaschaos said...

All of those are really funny but I love the disco! How hilarious!

Alice - I Was Born2Cree8 said...

Thanks for the chuckles. Have a great day.

Alice - I Was Born2Cree8 said...

Thanks for the chuckles. Have a great day.

The Curmudgeon said...

Thanks for visiting today.

This is a good long list -- but you missed one of my favorites:

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

bevies-place said...

These were so funny! And the fact they were said by learned lawyers add to the humour!

Thanks for dropping by my HoT
An answer to the age old question of 'What goes Ha Ha Kerplopp?' and hugs to Molly. I am sure out pets are much smarter than we think they are.

-Bev

Jessica said...

LOL those are great. Court reports and police reports are usually hilarious. When we get them at the paper to print up, we usually are rollin just reading them.

peppylady said...

These real cracked me up.

maggie's mind said...

These are hilarious! I couldn't even come up with one joke and had to go way outside of the box. Awesome job!

Betty said...

That was some funny stuff, Virginia. I had not seen those before. Thanks for sharing those.

Tina Coruth said...

Storyteller,

These are hilarious!! Thank you!!

hugs,
Tina

Randall said...

Those are great.

storyteller said...

Sue – Happy HoTs day to YOU too. I’m delighted to know they cheered you up ;--)

Eve – I’m happy you enjoyed them and started your day with laughs and grins. You make an excellent point.

Joy – I’m glad to turn the tables on you because your posts so often brighten MY days. Happy to help you wake up ;--)

Karen – Well, I did a Google search for jokes and ‘nosed’ around a bit … then I dressed them up with images from Google too.

Lisa – I thought that one was ridiculous myself and intended to search for a ‘dancing’ image but ran out of time.

Alice – You’re more than welcome … my day was lovely and I hope yours was as well.

the Curmudgeon – Thanks for visiting and for adding this humorous story to my post!

Bev – Your HoTs was hilarious … so visiting was my pleasure. I’m happy you enjoyed your visit to Small Reflections.

Peppylady – I’m glad ;--)

Maggie – I didn’t actually ‘come up with these’ … I discovered and enhanced them as best I could.

Betty and Tina – I’m delighted the two of you found these entertaining and funny.

Randall – I’m glad you enjoyed them.

To all – I appreciate everyone visiting and sharing your reactions. I think I’ve visited everyone in return … though this is one crazy week for me which is why I’m a bit late in responding here. I hope you’re having a wonderful Wednesday.
Hugs and blessings,

Chuck said...

How hilarious and enlightening...to find out about the humor that lies beyond our own hilarious existence in life *giggling*

Thx again for all your visits. You're the woman of the year.

storyteller said...

Chuck – Goodness! I’m not sure how I missed this comment (except for the fact that my email box is overloaded with unread messages at the moment), but I’m glad I happened upon it today while looking for another link. I’m glad you enjoyed the humor in this week’s HoTs post … and I accept your ‘woman of the year’ title with gratitude. LOL
Hugs and blessings,

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